The ornament below is the last of a set that my parents got back in the 1950s. I believe the filaments, called “angel hair,” are spun glass, or at least that’s what a seller on Etsy says about the ones they’re selling.
I remember being fascinated by these as a child. My parents had them in the round balls like the one above, teardrops, and bells. By the time they had given me what was left of the set when I was in my 20s, there were only three or four left, and the paint worn off or degraded to the point where the plastic underneath was brown and starting to crumble. Not sure how this one survived, but I’m glad I have it. (And yes, that is a flamingo photobombing in the background on the left, heh.)
When my parents gave me this ornament and its remaining companions, one of my sisters once said that they creeped her out, just because of the thought of them being angel hair. This was probably when the first inklings of my future atheism came out because I thought she was daft for even mentioning it or thinking angels were real. At that point I had long since shed any belief in angels of any kind, be they guardian angels, archangels, or fallen angels. The only angels I acknowledge are the human or critter kind here on Earth, the gentle people who seek to help and heal with no reward to themselves and the sweet, innocent birds and animals that seem to have a sense for when humans are in distress and arrive to comfort or assist. But the biblical ones? Right out.
In fact, when I look at modern renderings of biblically accurate angels, I tend to think that Ezekiel and the others who wrote about angels in the Bible were probably on some potent hallucinogenic mushrooms or plants at the time. Have you seen some of the images people have created based on biblical descriptions of angels?
Here’s a Seraphim:
And so much for Cherubim being cute little babies flying around pointing arrows at yer arse to make you fall in love.
Still not nightmarish enough for ya? Try an Ophanim.
Clearly if the ornaments had been made with angel parts, they would not have been made with hair, but with eyeballs.
Which actually would be pretty cool—as long as they didn’t blink.
Note to self for next Christmas: If you’re working in the same place, take the week between Christmas and New Year’s off. Better yet, go work for a place that’s closed that week. Better still, the whole country should just look at it like the U.S. version of August in Europe and just close up shop.
Why, yes, I’m feeling Grinchy right now, so here’s my Lenox Grinch ornament. Sometimes it’s like that.
Ah, December 26. The day people return gifts, navigate travel home, nod through a slow day at work, or turn their thoughts toward the forthcoming new year. You know how people often say they want to stay up to ring in the new year? I want to stay up just to make sure this one leaves, because as noted in my first Holidailies entry this year, 2023 was the most painful year of my life.
In fact, I’m so traumatized by 2023 that I don’t trust entirely trust 2024 and therefore laughed hard enough to cry when I saw this posted somewhere online:
Speaking of terms and conditions, I’m about to give Xfinity/Comcast a swift kick in the behind. My bill went up $35 because my two-year contract ran out. Given that I love to binge-watch a good series and keep ghost-hunting shows on in the background, I have one of those premium packages with 185 channels, including HBO, Showtime, Starz, etc.
Yeah, well, my Roku gear is arriving tomorrow, for today was the last straw with the cable company and we can’t get Fios in my building. A couple of weeks after my heart attack, the Xfinity internet started acting wonky, right when I needed it to upload data from my heart monitor patch and phone. It took me four phone calls, four hours, and some tears to make them understand that I couldn’t wait a week with spotty internet while they got me on the schedule for a tech appointment. This time, it took me two phone calls, two hours, and a burgeoning fit of rage to get some sort of understanding of why my bill went up. I couldn’t access my statements online to see a breakdown of the charges and the chat agent spewed out nothing but scripted nonsense one step shy of complete gibberish.
But, see, trying to get a human on the phone is like getting a root canal without anesthetic. You may be familiar with a scenario like this:
Xfinity System: Hello [MISPRONOUNCED NAME]. Let me pull up your account. What would you like help with today? Say “billing” for help with your bill [and so on].
Me: Billing.
System: Okay. Did you know you can pay your bill online? We can send you a link. Would you like us to send you a link?
Me: No.
System: Okay, for payment options, say “payment” [and so on for five or six options] but if that doesn’t work, we can connect you to a live agent. However, we can text you a link to a website where you can chat with our chat support specialists. Would you like us to text you a link?
Me: No. Live agent.
System: Okay, we can connect you with a chat agent. We will send you a link.
Me: NO.
System: Sorry, I didn’t understand that.
Me: Live agent.
System: Okay, we can connect you with a live agent. But to avoid a wait, we can text you a link to–
Me: NO.
System: Sorry, I didn’t understand that. Would you like us to text you a link to a website so you can resolve your issue with one of our chat agents?
Me: NO, JACKASS.
System: Sorry, I didn’t understand that.
Me: Yes, you did. YES, YOU DID.
System: Sorry, I didn’t understand that.
Me: Live agent.
System: Okay, we can connect you with a live agent if–
Me: Live agent. Live agent. Live agent. Liveagentliveagentliveagent.
System: Okay. But to avoid a wait, we can text you a link to a website where one of our chat agents can help you. Would you like us to text you the link?
Me: [takes deep breaths]
System: If you don’t respond, this call will end.
Me: [takes more deep breaths and starts counting to 10]
System: If you don’t respond, this call will end. This call will end soon.
Me: DON’T YOU THREATEN ME, YOU VILE ZIT ON THE ASS OF HUMANITY. I SAID GIVE ME A LIVE AGENT LIVE AGENT LIVE AGENT LIVE AGENT GIVE ME A LIVE AGENT! RUN, YOU CUR! RUN! AND TELL ALL THE OTHER CURS THE LAW IS COMING. YOU TELL ‘EM I’M COMING AND HELL’S COMING WITH ME, YOU HEAR? HELL’S COMING WITH ME!!!!!
System: Transferring to a live agent.
So then I get a customer service rep that for the life of me I simply could not understand. I’m actually really good at understanding accents by non-native speakers, but every time I call Xfinity, I end up near tears and having to ask the customer service rep to spell words out so I can understand them. Today the rep kept saying something that sounded like “Tesla boom.” I think she meant “flex plan” but I just couldn’t understand her. So I go through all of that and then get put on hold for 20 minutes with no sound or music to indicate that the call is still live.
So of course I did what all stupid people do in that situation, which was hang up, call back, and go through all of that again. Only this time, I got a snitty rep who I had no patience for whatsoever and who flat-out lied to me and said that even if I got Roku, I would still need cable.
