Category Archives: Personal Growth

Ex-finity

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Ah, December 26. The day people return gifts, navigate travel home, nod through a slow day at work, or turn their thoughts toward the forthcoming new year. You know how people often say they want to stay up to ring in the new year? I want to stay up just to make sure this one leaves, because as noted in my first Holidailies entry this year, 2023 was the most painful year of my life.

In fact, I’m so traumatized by 2023 that I don’t trust entirely trust 2024 and therefore laughed hard enough to cry when I saw this posted somewhere online:

A Christmas ornament that says "Before I agree to 2024 I need to see some terms and conditions."

Speaking of terms and conditions, I’m about to give Xfinity/Comcast a swift kick in the behind. My bill went up $35 because my two-year contract ran out. Given that I love to binge-watch a good series and keep ghost-hunting shows on in the background, I have one of those premium packages with 185 channels, including HBO, Showtime, Starz, etc.

Yeah, well, my Roku gear is arriving tomorrow, for today was the last straw with the cable company and we can’t get Fios in my building. A couple of weeks after my heart attack, the Xfinity internet started acting wonky, right when I needed it to upload data from my heart monitor patch and phone. It took me four phone calls, four hours, and some tears to make them understand that I couldn’t wait a week with spotty internet while they got me on the schedule for a tech appointment. This time, it took me two phone calls, two hours, and a burgeoning fit of rage to get some sort of understanding of why my bill went up. I couldn’t access my statements online to see a breakdown of the charges and the chat agent spewed out nothing but scripted nonsense one step shy of complete gibberish.

But, see, trying to get a human on the phone is like getting a root canal without anesthetic. You may be familiar with a scenario like this:

Xfinity System: Hello [MISPRONOUNCED NAME]. Let me pull up your account. What would you like help with today? Say “billing” for help with your bill [and so on].

Me: Billing.

System: Okay. Did you know you can pay your bill online? We can send you a link. Would you like us to send you a link?

Me: No.

System: Okay, for payment options, say “payment” [and so on for five or six options] but if that doesn’t work, we can connect you to a live agent. However, we can text you a link to a website where you can chat with our chat support specialists. Would you like us to text you a link?

Me: No. Live agent.

System: Okay, we can connect you with a chat agent. We will send you a link.

Me: NO.

System: Sorry, I didn’t understand that.

Me: Live agent.

System: Okay, we can connect you with a live agent. But to avoid a wait, we can text you a link to–

Me: NO.

System: Sorry, I didn’t understand that. Would you like us to text you a link to a website so you can resolve your issue with one of our chat agents?

Me: NO, JACKASS.

System: Sorry, I didn’t understand that.

Me: Yes, you did. YES, YOU DID.

System: Sorry, I didn’t understand that.

Me: Live agent.

System: Okay, we can connect you with a live agent if–

Me: Live agent. Live agent. Live agent. Liveagentliveagentliveagent.

System: Okay. But to avoid a wait, we can text you a link to a website where one of our chat agents can help you. Would you like us to text you the link?

Me: [takes deep breaths]

System: If you don’t respond, this call will end.

Me: [takes more deep breaths and starts counting to 10]

System: If you don’t respond, this call will end. This call will end soon.

Me: DON’T YOU THREATEN ME, YOU VILE ZIT ON THE ASS OF HUMANITY. I SAID GIVE ME A LIVE AGENT LIVE AGENT LIVE AGENT LIVE AGENT GIVE ME A LIVE AGENT! RUN, YOU CUR! RUN! AND TELL ALL THE OTHER CURS THE LAW IS COMING. YOU TELL ‘EM I’M COMING AND HELL’S COMING WITH ME, YOU HEAR? HELL’S COMING WITH ME!!!!!

System: Transferring to a live agent.

So then I get a customer service rep that for the life of me I simply could not understand. I’m actually really good at understanding accents by non-native speakers, but every time I call Xfinity, I end up near tears and having to ask the customer service rep to spell words out so I can understand them. Today the rep kept saying something that sounded like “Tesla boom.” I think she meant “flex plan” but I just couldn’t understand her. So I go through all of that and then get put on hold for 20 minutes with no sound or music to indicate that the call is still live.

So of course I did what all stupid people do in that situation, which was hang up, call back, and go through all of that again. Only this time, I got a snitty rep who I had no patience for whatsoever and who flat-out lied to me and said that even if I got Roku, I would still need cable.

Well, we’ll see about that, won’t we?

Happy Strategies

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A psychologist I follow on Instagram had a post today about happiness. His point was that happiness in life depends on the quality of your thoughts, and that the quality of your thoughts is something you can learn to control. His post got me thinking about my own prompts and strategies for emotional well-being and improving my thoughts, and it prompted me to write them all down so here they are.

1. Comparison is the thief of joy. There’s always going to be someone richer, better-looking, more accomplished, etc. Happiness comes from being content with what you have, and I have a lot—friends, a spacious apartment that I love, food in my belly, peace and quiet, a job.

2. Attachment is the root of all suffering. This includes being attached to the past as well as to things, people, and ways of thinking that are detriments to well-being.

3. Yes, there are genetic, epigenetic, experiential, and environmental aspects to depression and anxiety, but again, attachment comes into play. Depression is often about too much attachment to the past, which can’t be changed, so a good part of healing is in letting it go; anxiety is attachment to what you ultimately cannot control, be it the future, other people, or the state of the world, so do what I can in my own life and sphere, and then let it go.

4. Build on your strengths. We all have some, and that’s more fun and engaging than focusing on your shortcomings. 5. Feel the feelings. The only way out is through, so I allow myself to feel what I feel and work through it, even if it takes time and effort (as with grief when Inigo and I said goodbye), so I can let it go.

6. Help others. It will take you out of your own head for a while, and it feels good for both the people and creatures I help and for me, too.

7. Go outside. Walk around in as green a space as possible. Take in nature, its sounds, its sights, the smell of trees, grass, rain, snow. I find nothing as restorative as that.

8. Practice gratitude for what you have. After the heart attack I’m just happy to be alive.

And now for tonight’s state tree, going out to my friends on the Maryland side, Vicki, Deb, Vicky, and Louise. Unfortunately, the folks who set up the state trees put Maryland and Virginia next to each other but the signs were one in front of the other, so I couldn’t really get the Maryland sign in the photo as I have with the other trees. However, it’s clear it’s the Maryland tree because of all the crabs, heh. Also, there are ornaments with the state flag on it, and the state bird, the Baltimore Oriole.

Maryland's state Christmas tree, 2023.
Maryland’s state Christmas tree, 2023. Click to embiggen.

Here’s an ornament I bought while out on a fun afternoon in Ellicott City with Vicki and Deb.  (And it just occurred to me that I don’t have a Virginia ornament. THE SHAME!)

A Christmas ornament with the Maryland state flag on it.
We had a ball, so I got a ball.

I Vant to Hear Your Lecture

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A comic book image of a vampire carrying a woman through city streets.
Image: Stanley Stepanic, Ph.D., M.A.

This evening I had the pleasure of attending a talk about vampires by University of Virginia assistant professor Stanley Stepanic, Ph.D., M.A. He teaches a course there called “Dracula” which is a deep dive into the evolution of vampires and what they have represented to humanity throughout the centuries. His talk was part of the creepy, crawly series of October discussions offered by Profs and Pints, an organization that brings college faculty members into off-campus venues to share their knowledge.

And what a fun talk it was! I’m a vampire freak and have been since I was turned, er, for a few decades now–enough so that two of the three novels I barfed out for National Novel Writing Month back at the turn of the century were about vampires–and even I learned a few things.

For one thing, now I get the joke in What We Do in the Shadows where Guillermo throws a bag of rice to the floor to test whether Laszlo and Nandor have an irresistible urge to count the grains. The legend springs from the Polish practice of throwing poppy seeds into a coffin on the theory that it would take so long for a vampire to count all the seeds in the dark that the sun would come up before he or she was finished counting.

Right away I thought, “So is that why The Count on Sesame Street loves to count?”

But no dice there: Stepanic explained that The Count’s love of counting was purely coincidental, as by the time Sesame Street introduced the character, that bit of lore had all but disappeared from popular culture.

I came away from the talk feeling a bit vindicated, as well. I’ve long felt that the portrayals of zombies were really portrayals of vampires. I’ve had debates about this with fans of zombie apocalypse series like The Walking Dead, and lo and behold, Stepanic used slides from The Walking Dead to explain that yes, pop-culture zombies like the ones Daryl Dixon shoots with his seemingly endless supply of crossbow arrows are really vampires.

See, vampire lore began not with sex and sparkle, but the resurrection of partially decomposed corpses that preyed upon the living. Then they morphed into creepy old pedophiles who preyed upon teenage girls. Then they got sexed up a bit with Bela Legosi’s portrayal of Dracula, which apparently landed him a groupie in every port. They got sexed up even further with the introduction of lady vampires in comic books and cinema, vampires that were largely interpretations of Carmilla, the first known lady vamp who appeared in a novella by Sheridan Le Fanu in the early 1870s.

However, I was one of only a few people who seemed to understand what Stepanic meant when he said that there is nothing original whatsoever in the Twilight series of vampire stories–or at least one of only a few people who similarly hate the Twilight series enough to applaud his comments–for who is Edward Cullen if not a creepy old pedophile who preyed upon a teenage girl? The only difference between Cullen’s resurrected corpse and those of the first vampires is that his was all sparkly and minty fresh while theirs were rank with putrefaction and halitosis.

All in all, it was a great talk and probably the best $17 I spent all month, so I’m calling it a huge win.