Tag Archives: misogyny

Team Taylor

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Lawd, but I am so sick of people bashing Taylor Swift and the misogyny that doing so reveals about them.

Let me preface this by saying that although I do love two of her albums (folklore and evermore), I’m not a Swiftie in that I wouldn’t pay thousands of dollars to see her in concert, I only listen to her music on Spotify and haven’t actually purchased any of her albums, and I haven’t seen the movie about her. Therefore, this isn’t a knee-jerk reaction to criticism of something I personally enjoy or someone I admire.

This is about the cultural war over her and the rampant sexism and misogyny fired at her and her fans. CNN had a good piece on why you should watch what you say about Taylor Swift in front of your kids, because they will pick up on what you say. The author made the point that Eminem flipping off the crowd after his football team lost was seen as “relatable” but Swift watching her boyfriend play football and cheering on his team was seen as a publicity stunt and a distraction.

Over the past few months I’ve seen this culture war play out on Threads, the Twitter alternative that is tied to Instagram. People—usually white men in trucker’s caps—ragged incessantly on Swift for doing what they themselves do, which is watch her boyfriend play football. Funny how no one criticized me when I dated a football player back in high school and went to all of his games to cheer him on. So what is it about Swift that edges these men so much?

First, she’s wildly successful as a businessperson in a way none of them will ever be. Yet they’ll fawn over blowhards like Elon Musk and the Orange Ape, both of whom have proven to be terrible at every aspect of business except for wasting other people’s money and ruining any major venture they inherit or buy.

Second, she’s outspoken and strong.

Third, she’s not afraid of being vulnerable.

Fourth, she’s beautiful and super feminine in her appearance and carriage.

It’s those last two that really set the toxic guys off. She’s beautiful and feminine, but she’s not pliable or submissive. In their minds, being feminine should also mean being malleable and easily dominated, and Swift is anything but. Does not compute! Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!

Compare this with Pink going to see then-boyfriend Carey Hart race in motocross. There was no criticism of her at all, and she proposed to him at one of his races by holding up signs saying “Will you marry me?” and “Serious!” as he was actually racing. How is that not a “distraction” but Taylor Swift going to a football game is? Don’t get me wrong: Pink has her own brand of beauty and femininity, but her image is that she’s one of the “cool” chicks, someone you’d hang out and have a few beers with while you both watched her now-husband do what he does. She wears her hair short, she’s built like an athlete, and her strength is the kind that implies that she’ll kick your ass if you say anything about anyone she loves. She’s one of the girls guys see as one of the guys. That has its own toxic perspective, wherein an athletic woman is seen as masculine, but that’s a post for another day.

I’ve also seen words like “simp” lobbed at Travis Kelce for showing affection to Swift. For those not up on internet slang, simp is a word used by certain men, usually incels (involuntarily celibates), to describe someone who shows excessive sympathy and attention toward another person, typically someone who does not reciprocate the same feelings, in pursuit of affection or a sexual relationship. Uh, yeah. Pretty sure that doesn’t apply to Kelce, as it’s obvious Swift loves the guy. As a pro athlete, he wouldn’t have a hard time getting sex, either, and therefore wouldn’t need to be unctuous just to get attention from women. The misogynists are angry that someone they would consider to be an “alpha male” dares to show affection for a woman he loves, because in their eyes, alpha males should treat women like garbage.

All of this hatred toward Swift and Kelce reflects a culture of misogyny and toxic masculinity, one that fills social media and popular discourse. It’s a sign of insecurity among those who belittle Swift and Kelce, many of whom will also natter on about the “crisis of male loneliness.” These dullards might as well wear a hat with a logo declaring their hatred of anyone who isn’t White and male like them.

Oh, wait… Most of them do. A red one.

Well, I have no sympathy for those guys. Half of them are angry that women want nothing to do with them, yet don’t see how they’re the common denominator in all of their failed attempts to date and find love. The other half may be partnered, but I guarantee that most of their wives or girlfriends do a helluva lot more housework and childminding than they do, even as those women also work full-time, and then these guys will wonder why their wives won’t sleep with them. They’re the kind of guy who struts around acting like he deserves a medal for Father of the Year for changing a diaper, pushing a stroller, or taking his kid to the park for a game of catch. They’re the kind of guy who will take a woman for granted and then say “she blindsided me” when the couple hits their 50s, the kids leave the nest, and she leaves him.

Is it any wonder young women are increasingly eschewing dating and relationships in favor of building their careers and working toward buying their own homes, and even deciding, in their late 30s, to go to a sperm bank and try IVF if they want a child? Patriarchy likes to decree “why buy the cow when you can get the milk free?” but women have turned that on its head and declared “why buy the whole pig for just a little sausage?”

More women are in college than men. More women are in law school and med school than men. And the more women rise, the more this pathetic subset of men hates them for it, and they aim their hatred at Swift because they see Swift as symbolic of the women they want but who are leaving them behind, the smart, beautiful, talented women who seek and receive more from a man than what these guys have to offer. Same goes for the women and girls who love Swift’s music and are Swifties. These guys tend to be the type who inherently belittle anything a girl or woman is interested in, so it’s double threatening when girls and women see value in a strong, successful woman. Wouldn’t want the little wimmin’ gettin’ ideas.

Well, to hell with those guys. I say more power to the young women who have decided they’d rather be alone than put up with their nonsense, and more power to Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. Rock on with your strength, and don’t mind the angry little men behind the curtain. Their time is over, and yours has just begun.

Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. Image: Patrick Smith/Getty Images

Oh, Shut Up, Elmo.

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You know what I want for Christmas? A Shut-Me-Up Elmo. Instead of tickling him, when he runs his mouth, you tell him to shut up and he apologizes for being an ignorant asshat and then never again speaks about things he knows nothing about.

Seriously. Eleven kids with three different women, and Elon Musk wants to talk about morality? So tired of these sexist jackdonkeys who think women’s highest achievement is to reproduce. Ya know, for the majority of women, it’s not rocket science. Lie on your back and let a dude ride raw and finish.

As for the rest, it is patently offensive and cruel to deem people who don’t have kids as “genetic dead ends.” Has that fool never heard of infertility? Not everyone who does want kids can have them or afford expensive fertility treatments.

He has also passed comments about how he thinks people who don’t have kids shouldn’t be allowed to vote because he thinks they have no stake in the future. I never wanted kids, but believe me, I have a stake in the future. I shudder to think of a world where egomaniacs like him get to dictate another human being’s life purpose, so one of the ways I seek to leave the world a better place than I found it is to counter ignorant commentary by his ilk.

Regardless, Elmo can run his yap about his OWN experience when he not only actively takes part in parenting on the level a woman does—there is a joke among kid-free feminists where women say “I’d make a great father”—AND he has raised kids into adults who actually want anything to do with him, because trust me, when your own daughter won’t speak to you, you’ve done something heinous as a parent.

Furthermore…

1. Eleven kids is a helluva lot of environmental destruction for one man’s ego. Ya wanna talk about morality? How about ethics?

2. Yes, other people’s kids will take care of me when I am old and ailing. They’re called nurses and home care aides. Having kids as some kind of insurance for adult daycare is both selfish and delusional. One visit to a nursing home should cure him of that notion. See also, “daughter who won’t speak to you,” above.

3. If you need to have kids to teach you how to love, be selfless, and have fulfillment, you’re entitled, privileged, selfish, and tedious to begin with. Having kids won’t change that. You’ll just raise them to be entitled, privileged, selfish, and tedious, too. Or, again, they won’t talk to you when they’re adults.

4. As for all these misogynists going on about Taylor Swift’s cover on Time, whining about her being an example of how feminism has “ruined women,” and nattering on about how she’s an “aging, promiscuous cat lady,” don’t threaten women with a good time, boys. If women would rather share their lives with creatures who crap in a box (or in my case, on newspapers or my sweatshirts) than you, you need to do some introspection on what kind of person you are and what it is you think you offer a woman because we don’t need either the money or the extra housework, and we can buy batteries.

A typical rebuttal from a misogynist is that “you need us to have children.” Well, no. We don’t really need men to have or raise children, either. I know several women who went to sperm banks in their late 30s and did IVF. These women have great careers and can provide for a child, and also have a great family and social network—the proverbial village in which to raise a child, including brothers and male friends who can offer a male’s perspective or be a father figure but whom they know will not indoctrinate their children in the ways of toxic masculinity. But again, if a woman is fertile and has all the social support that’s necessary for healthy parenting, all she needs to do is lie on her back (although I wouldn’t recommend that route, as it’s better to know a male’s genetic carriage like you would with a sperm bank). If that ticks off these fragile males, oh well. Be the kind of equal life partner and co-parent women would want to have a family with and you won’t have any problems living your dream of being a family man.

Another misogynistic rebuttal is “You need us to protect you.” From what? Oh, right, other men, both on an individual level with intimate partner violence, sexual assault, predation, and other crimes, and on a macro level with the wars that by and large are waged by men who fail to see a way to peace.

Yeah, no. Sell all of that somewhere else. Healthy, strong men who are comfortable in their skins live and let live.

I suppose now is as good a time as any to announce my Song of the Year, “Labour,” by Paris Paloma. It’s an ode to the unfair distribution of work in a heterosexual couple’s household and the realization that no man is ever a woman’s savior. Turn on captions to follow the lyrics.