The pencil above is Berol Prismacolor PC 989 Chartreuse, the first pencil to retire from the set my father gave me in the early ’90s. I sharpened it for the final time last night, when I realized that the core would shatter if I did so again. It’s small, but not tiny: I could still use it if I wanted to, either with a pencil extender or a light grasp of my hand. But I have a small set of more modern Prismacolors from 2017 or so that includes the same color, so I removed the Chartreuse from that set and put this one in the tin in its stead. The newer one now sits in the old Berol box.
My favorite color is purple, a far cry from chartreuse, and I never thought such a bright lemony green would ever appeal to me, even back in the ’80s when it was everywhere along with the neon pinks, peaches, and purples that dressed a generation of teenagers.
But then Inigo the Nanday came into my life, where he was my constant companion for 21 years until it as his time to pass away last year. That the old pencil is the same shade as his feathers made retiring it that much more poignant, but I take comfort in knowing it will be safe in the tin, braced by a rolled-up tissue to keep it from sliding around and breaking the tip.
One thing they don’t warn you about regarding your 50s is how many late goodbyes you start having. Things given to you many years ago by people who are now long gone wear out. The cards they sent you turn yellow and the stamps fall off. The classic, timeless items of clothing they gifted you for your birthday or a holiday start coming apart. Any rings they gave you get harder to slip over your knuckles, if they still fit at all. The glue in the bindings of the books they inherited and then passed down to you starts to crack. If you kept their perfume or aftershave, it turns acidic or loses its fragrance entirely. If you were born before cell phones and digital media, the photographs you have of those you lost fade and the tape recordings of their voices stretch and sound strange—if you even still have the audio equipment necessary to play them.
Some folks like to pick on younger generations because of all the pictures and videos they take with their phones, but as long as younger people still live in the moment and don’t create a hazard or rob themselves of the full experience just to get a good angle, I say good for them for capturing it. If they store everything correctly, they’ll always have something crisp and fresh to remember their loved ones by.
But listen, younger folks: Even if you have a ton of photos and videos, cherish the gifts people give you. Hang on to the little keepsakes you have of life milestones, either those you experience yourself or those of your loved ones, and preserve any inadvertent mementos you find in the bottom of a drawer that catapult you unexpectedly into a happy memory. Treasure the items that come to you from a place of affection, especially the small things you manage to take with you when you move from one home to the next. Those are things you can hold in your hand. Those are the things you can hold close to your heart, where the love that brought them to you still resides.
It has been a whole year since we said goodbye. A lot has happened since then, most of it not so great, and it has been hard to get through it all without you by my side. Yes, little one, I know you’re still here, in my heart, in the sky, in the birds who come to visit. I can still feel you sitting on my chest or spreading your wings across my back, shoulder to shoulder in a birdie hug. But I miss your chatter, your dancing, your woodchipping, the way you held out your wings when I gave you a shower, the way you tilted your head when you were curious about something, the way you gobbled up your nanners…and blueberries…and pasta…and apple…and sweet peppers…and more nanners. You were–and remain–the Nanner King!
Little buddy, you taught me so much while you were here: dedication, devotion, unconditional love, and that we should appreciate our loved ones while they are still with us on Earth. At times you taught me patience, too, although I’m still working on that, ha ha.
I don’t know when we’ll be reunited. I mean, you already sent me back once! But when that day comes, I know the last thing I will see on Earth is you flying down to greet me, maybe with your brudduh Jimmy not far behind you, hovering and waiting for me to rise and join you. Until that day comes, I’ll be grateful for every time you visit in a dream, and I will do my best to find the happiness you’d want me to have. I love you now and always.
xoxo,
The Mommy
Slightly damp Nanner King, in the pose he knew would get him whatever he wanted.
Lawd, but I am so sick of people bashing Taylor Swift and the misogyny that doing so reveals about them.
Let me preface this by saying that although I do love two of her albums (folklore and evermore), I’m not a Swiftie in that I wouldn’t pay thousands of dollars to see her in concert, I only listen to her music on Spotify and haven’t actually purchased any of her albums, and I haven’t seen the movie about her. Therefore, this isn’t a knee-jerk reaction to criticism of something I personally enjoy or someone I admire.
This is about the cultural war over her and the rampant sexism and misogyny fired at her and her fans. CNN had a good piece on why you should watch what you say about Taylor Swift in front of your kids, because they will pick up on what you say. The author made the point that Eminem flipping off the crowd after his football team lost was seen as “relatable” but Swift watching her boyfriend play football and cheering on his team was seen as a publicity stunt and a distraction.
Over the past few months I’ve seen this culture war play out on Threads, the Twitter alternative that is tied to Instagram. People—usually white men in trucker’s caps—ragged incessantly on Swift for doing what they themselves do, which is watch her boyfriend play football. Funny how no one criticized me when I dated a football player back in high school and went to all of his games to cheer him on. So what is it about Swift that edges these men so much?
First, she’s wildly successful as a businessperson in a way none of them will ever be. Yet they’ll fawn over blowhards like Elon Musk and the Orange Ape, both of whom have proven to be terrible at every aspect of business except for wasting other people’s money and ruining any major venture they inherit or buy.
Second, she’s outspoken and strong.
Third, she’s not afraid of being vulnerable.
Fourth, she’s beautiful and super feminine in her appearance and carriage.
It’s those last two that really set the toxic guys off. She’s beautiful and feminine, but she’s not pliable or submissive. In their minds, being feminine should also mean being malleable and easily dominated, and Swift is anything but. Does not compute! Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!
Compare this with Pink going to see then-boyfriend Carey Hart race in motocross. There was no criticism of her at all, and she proposed to him at one of his races by holding up signs saying “Will you marry me?” and “Serious!” as he was actually racing. How is that not a “distraction” but Taylor Swift going to a football game is? Don’t get me wrong: Pink has her own brand of beauty and femininity, but her image is that she’s one of the “cool” chicks, someone you’d hang out and have a few beers with while you both watched her now-husband do what he does. She wears her hair short, she’s built like an athlete, and her strength is the kind that implies that she’ll kick your ass if you say anything about anyone she loves. She’s one of the girls guys see as one of the guys. That has its own toxic perspective, wherein an athletic woman is seen as masculine, but that’s a post for another day.
I’ve also seen words like “simp” lobbed at Travis Kelce for showing affection to Swift. For those not up on internet slang, simp is a word used by certain men, usually incels (involuntarily celibates), to describe someone who shows excessive sympathy and attention toward another person, typically someone who does not reciprocate the same feelings, in pursuit of affection or a sexual relationship. Uh, yeah. Pretty sure that doesn’t apply to Kelce, as it’s obvious Swift loves the guy. As a pro athlete, he wouldn’t have a hard time getting sex, either, and therefore wouldn’t need to be unctuous just to get attention from women. The misogynists are angry that someone they would consider to be an “alpha male” dares to show affection for a woman he loves, because in their eyes, alpha males should treat women like garbage.
All of this hatred toward Swift and Kelce reflects a culture of misogyny and toxic masculinity, one that fills social media and popular discourse. It’s a sign of insecurity among those who belittle Swift and Kelce, many of whom will also natter on about the “crisis of male loneliness.” These dullards might as well wear a hat with a logo declaring their hatred of anyone who isn’t White and male like them.
Oh, wait… Most of them do. A red one.
Well, I have no sympathy for those guys. Half of them are angry that women want nothing to do with them, yet don’t see how they’re the common denominator in all of their failed attempts to date and find love. The other half may be partnered, but I guarantee that most of their wives or girlfriends do a helluva lot more housework and childminding than they do, even as those women also work full-time, and then these guys will wonder why their wives won’t sleep with them. They’re the kind of guy who struts around acting like he deserves a medal for Father of the Year for changing a diaper, pushing a stroller, or taking his kid to the park for a game of catch. They’re the kind of guy who will take a woman for granted and then say “she blindsided me” when the couple hits their 50s, the kids leave the nest, and she leaves him.
Is it any wonder young women are increasingly eschewing dating and relationships in favor of building their careers and working toward buying their own homes, and even deciding, in their late 30s, to go to a sperm bank and try IVF if they want a child? Patriarchy likes to decree “why buy the cow when you can get the milk free?” but women have turned that on its head and declared “why buy the whole pig for just a little sausage?”
More women are in college than men. More women are in law school and med school than men. And the more women rise, the more this pathetic subset of men hates them for it, and they aim their hatred at Swift because they see Swift as symbolic of the women they want but who are leaving them behind, the smart, beautiful, talented women who seek and receive more from a man than what these guys have to offer. Same goes for the women and girls who love Swift’s music and are Swifties. These guys tend to be the type who inherently belittle anything a girl or woman is interested in, so it’s double threatening when girls and women see value in a strong, successful woman. Wouldn’t want the little wimmin’ gettin’ ideas.
Well, to hell with those guys. I say more power to the young women who have decided they’d rather be alone than put up with their nonsense, and more power to Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. Rock on with your strength, and don’t mind the angry little men behind the curtain. Their time is over, and yours has just begun.
Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. Image: Patrick Smith/Getty Images
zenzalei 