A psychologist I follow on Instagram had a post today about happiness. His point was that happiness in life depends on the quality of your thoughts, and that the quality of your thoughts is something you can learn to control. His post got me thinking about my own prompts and strategies for emotional well-being and improving my thoughts, and it prompted me to write them all down so here they are.
1. Comparison is the thief of joy. There’s always going to be someone richer, better-looking, more accomplished, etc. Happiness comes from being content with what you have, and I have a lot—friends, a spacious apartment that I love, food in my belly, peace and quiet, a job.
2. Attachment is the root of all suffering. This includes being attached to the past as well as to things, people, and ways of thinking that are detriments to well-being.
3. Yes, there are genetic, epigenetic, experiential, and environmental aspects to depression and anxiety, but again, attachment comes into play. Depression is often about too much attachment to the past, which can’t be changed, so a good part of healing is in letting it go; anxiety is attachment to what you ultimately cannot control, be it the future, other people, or the state of the world, so do what I can in my own life and sphere, and then let it go.
4. Build on your strengths. We all have some, and that’s more fun and engaging than focusing on your shortcomings. 5. Feel the feelings. The only way out is through, so I allow myself to feel what I feel and work through it, even if it takes time and effort (as with grief when Inigo and I said goodbye), so I can let it go.
6. Help others. It will take you out of your own head for a while, and it feels good for both the people and creatures I help and for me, too.
7. Go outside. Walk around in as green a space as possible. Take in nature, its sounds, its sights, the smell of trees, grass, rain, snow. I find nothing as restorative as that.
8. Practice gratitude for what you have. After the heart attack I’m just happy to be alive.
And now for tonight’s state tree, going out to my friends on the Maryland side, Vicki, Deb, Vicky, and Louise. Unfortunately, the folks who set up the state trees put Maryland and Virginia next to each other but the signs were one in front of the other, so I couldn’t really get the Maryland sign in the photo as I have with the other trees. However, it’s clear it’s the Maryland tree because of all the crabs, heh. Also, there are ornaments with the state flag on it, and the state bird, the Baltimore Oriole.
Maryland’s state Christmas tree, 2023. Click to embiggen.
Here’s an ornament I bought while out on a fun afternoon in Ellicott City with Vicki and Deb. (And it just occurred to me that I don’t have a Virginia ornament. THE SHAME!)
This evening I had the pleasure of attending a talk about vampires by University of Virginia assistant professor Stanley Stepanic, Ph.D., M.A. He teaches a course there called “Dracula” which is a deep dive into the evolution of vampires and what they have represented to humanity throughout the centuries. His talk was part of the creepy, crawly series of October discussions offered by Profs and Pints, an organization that brings college faculty members into off-campus venues to share their knowledge.
And what a fun talk it was! I’m a vampire freak and have been since I was turned, er, for a few decades now–enough so that two of the three novels I barfed out for National Novel Writing Month back at the turn of the century were about vampires–and even I learned a few things.
For one thing, now I get the joke in What We Do in the Shadows where Guillermo throws a bag of rice to the floor to test whether Laszlo and Nandor have an irresistible urge to count the grains. The legend springs from the Polish practice of throwing poppy seeds into a coffin on the theory that it would take so long for a vampire to count all the seeds in the dark that the sun would come up before he or she was finished counting.
Right away I thought, “So is that why The Count on Sesame Street loves to count?”
But no dice there: Stepanic explained that The Count’s love of counting was purely coincidental, as by the time Sesame Street introduced the character, that bit of lore had all but disappeared from popular culture.
I came away from the talk feeling a bit vindicated, as well. I’ve long felt that the portrayals of zombies were really portrayals of vampires. I’ve had debates about this with fans of zombie apocalypse series like The Walking Dead, and lo and behold, Stepanic used slides from The Walking Dead to explain that yes, pop-culture zombies like the ones Daryl Dixon shoots with his seemingly endless supply of crossbow arrows are really vampires.
See, vampire lore began not with sex and sparkle, but the resurrection of partially decomposed corpses that preyed upon the living. Then they morphed into creepy old pedophiles who preyed upon teenage girls. Then they got sexed up a bit with Bela Legosi’s portrayal of Dracula, which apparently landed him a groupie in every port. They got sexed up even further with the introduction of lady vampires in comic books and cinema, vampires that were largely interpretations of Carmilla, the first known lady vamp who appeared in a novella by Sheridan Le Fanu in the early 1870s.
However, I was one of only a few people who seemed to understand what Stepanic meant when he said that there is nothing original whatsoever in the Twilight series of vampire stories–or at least one of only a few people who similarly hate the Twilight series enough to applaud his comments–for who is Edward Cullen if not a creepy old pedophile who preyed upon a teenage girl? The only difference between Cullen’s resurrected corpse and those of the first vampires is that his was all sparkly and minty fresh while theirs were rank with putrefaction and halitosis.
All in all, it was a great talk and probably the best $17 I spent all month, so I’m calling it a huge win.
Today I did my yearly birthday Tarot spread. This year I based it on Biddy Tarot’s Birthday Spread, but I added a card for myself as the querent at the top.
Usually I use my Rider-Waite-Smith deck, but when I took the box out of my cabinet, something told me to use the Gilded Tarot, instead. I love the artwork in the Gilded Tarot. It has a masculine quality to it, and if any of my male friends ever wanted a Tarot reading, that’s the deck I would use for them. Turns out that some of the cards in this deck do not have male figures where they appear in the Rider-Waite-Smith deck, as in the Ten of Cups and the Ten of Pentacles. I can only surmise that my intuition in choosing this deck was spot on, as I have no plans to hitch my star to a man anytime soon–although I suppose I could be convinced otherwise if, say, Henry Cavill fell into my lap.
Anyway, here’s the spread:
I’ll preface this with a note for those who know me well: Yes, the message here is the thing I’ve been unhappy about for the better part of two years. It became apparent at the very first card, so much so that I actually laughed when I turned it over, so it’s okay if you laugh, too. Just don’t mention specifics in the comments, please. I’ve pretty much hosed my personal online journals because I was venting too much about this problem and it wasn’t serving me. But as I mentioned before, my life is going to look a lot different in 2024, SO HELP ME UNIVERSE.
Me: Knight of Pentacles, reversed. You’ve been stagnating and it is detracting from your abundance, notably your career, financial, and material success. Beware of resting on your laurels.
My take: AH HA HA HA HA HA HA! /sobs Thanks, Captain Obvious.
1. The previous year in summary: The Magician. You have learned to focus and be disciplined, you’ve been drawn to travel and creativity, and you have taken a significant journey in your selfhood and talents. Make the most of your ability to “make magic” and transform.
My take: Yes, in some ways. I did develop some discipline in my spending habits. As a result, I’ve been able to travel. I’ve also come to a few realizations about my own abilities, albeit in a way that boils down to “it’s not me, it’s you and your own insecurities.” Basically, I’ve learned that haters gonna hate and their opinion of me, my skills, my talent, my work, or my personality do not reflect anything other than what’s swirling around in their own unhappy noggins. Just because they don’t understand or appreciate my magic, that doesn’t mean it’s not magic.
2. What you have learned from the past year: The Fool. It’s never too late to begin again, and it’s okay to make unconventional choices and take calculated risks. You’re at a crossroads. Take a leap of faith.
My take: Yes, I’ve been at that crossroads for a while, but now that my back is better, I can get hopping on what I want to do, which indeed will be a calculated risk. If it works out, great. If not, there are always other options and paths to choose, and I’ll land on my feet to take them.
3. What you aspire to in the next 12 months: King of Pentacles. Improved financial security, success, abundance, creature comforts, enjoying the good things in life.
My take: YES.
4. What empowers you in reaching your aspirations: Queen of Wands. Step into your power. Fire up your enthusiasm and make the most of your energy and self-expression. Take action. You’ve got what it takes.
My take: When I’m not utterly drained and weary from having to defend my boundaries at every turn, I’m pretty good at taking action and making change. That’s why I’m taking vacation and getting the heck out of Dodge so much next month. I need to recharge and replenish so I can do what I need to do after the holidays, but more importantly, I need to be as far away as possible from the people and things that are wearing me out. I think England and Finland next month oughta do it.
5. What may stand in the way of reaching your aspirations: Nine of Swords. Worry, anxiety, stress, a build-up of minor stresses that become a major stress, and lousy sleep.
My take: Ah, the 3 a.m. card. My mother used to call me her “little worrier,” and yes, when there are too many little things, I can feel overwhelmed. I’m much better at managing one big stressful thing than lots of little stressful things, like dealing with bureaucracy, constant interruptions on Teams at work, misplacing my keys, and delays on the Metro. When there are too many little things in one day, week, month, year, I do have trouble sleeping, even for a night owl. But I have found that if I can manage to keep perspective and don’t sweat the small stuff, it all works out. It’s when other people get anxious or make mountains out of molehills that I get edged. I’m a good barometer of my environment and the emotions of those around me, and I’ve been known to declare, “Everyone, just CHILL. We’ll get there/it will get done/it will all work out because we’ve done everything right and even if it doesn’t work out that’s okay too because no one is going to die if it doesn’t.” It seems counterculture in the age of everyone having to be aware of everyone else’s sensitivities and anxieties in the name of being compassionate on a good day and politically correct, turbowoke, and mindful of other people’s traumas at all times on a bad day, but reminding myself that other people’s anxiety is theirs to manage has always worked in my favor, so I must stick to that.
6. Your relationships and emotions in the coming year: Eight of Wands, reversed. Feeling like there are delays in your plans coming to fruition, waiting for a decision that will affect you or the outcomes of your efforts, having to finish things and tie up loose ends before progressing.
My take: Thank you for reminding me of my Type A, New York impatience with other people’s inefficiency, indecisiveness, and glacial pace.
7. Your career, outlook, and finances: Page of Swords, reversed. Watch out for manipulative people, be wary of information you receive because it may not be accurate or reflect reality, stay away from gossips, and basically don’t give petty people the attention they crave. Avoid analysis paralysis.
My take: I see this as avoiding toxicity and making sure I do my due diligence with opportunities that may come my way. Then it will be easier to accept or deny what is offered or said to me based on what I have learned through my reconnaissance. This also goes back to the Magician and last year’s summary.
8. Your health and well-being: Queen of Swords. Use your intellect and logic, and draw upon your past experiences and struggles to strategize. Recognize the importance of boundaries, and use your independent judgment and mental clarity to move forward.
My take: I absolutely LOVE this card. It’s a Libra card, and like all Air signs, Libras groove on the intellectual. But it’s also a me card. I identify so much with the Queen of Swords. She’s one hella-strong lady, and while she has the feminine traits of nurturance and communication, she’s big on thinking her way through things, her nurturing style is to use tough love when she has to, her communication style is to tell it like it is, and she’s no one’s fool. She’s the Queen of Straight Talk and Taking No Shit, and I love that about her and about myself, even if it means that at times I come across as blunt or iconoclastic. Thing is, I use my sword to cut through crap, and if you don’t like that, then maybe not serve up so much crap for me to cut through. Combine that with my personal cards, Star (hope) and Strength (self-explanatory), and you can bet that if I’m cutting through your crap, it’s because your crap is a steaming pile of negativity, and no, I’m not letting you derail me and I’m not getting sucked into your vortex of doom, fear-mongering, and politically correct corporate jargon and bullshit just because you lack confidence, want to be a Henny Penny, or feel entitled to try to control me and my life by whatever means possible. Gaslighting me in an effort to deny your own lousy behavior and trying to make your insecurities and anxieties into things for me to manage are both right out. Grow up already.
Well, that escalated quickly.
Moving on…
9. Your spiritual energy and inner fulfilment: Knight of Cups, reversed. Watch out for too much daydreaming, and beware of people, most likely men, who seem to be offering a lot but are really offering little, such as those who have intimacy issues or are only in it for the chase, notches on their bedposts, or “conquests.”
My take: My kneejerk reaction was, “YA THINK?” I’ll get into this more in February, which I have slated as my Feminist Celebration of Singlehood Month for this blog, but the bottom line is that toxic masculinity and male privilege and entitlement comprise a cancer that needs to be cut out of American culture. It has corroded everything from the Supreme Court all the way down to the all too common weaponized incompetence in relationships and marriage that leaves women doing most of the housework, most of the child-rearing, and most of the emotional labor in organizing, planning, and logistics, even when they work and have just as long a commute as their husbands or male partners. However, I reserve the right to daydream about what I would do if I won the lottery, even as I work to ensure my own independence, heh.
10. What you need to focus on in the year ahead: Ten of Cups. Prosperity, peace at home, teamwork, acceptance, emotional fulfilment.
My take: Getting back to what I said in the intro about imagery, in the Rider-Waite-Smith deck, this card depicts a man and a woman looking out onto the house and the rainbow, and there are kids playing nearby. However, in this deck, the card features an older woman, a younger woman, a cat, and a few bees. I read somewhere that the artist designed this from a man’s eye view of coming home to contentment, which kind of creeps me out because of the two-woman thing, but if I ignore that, it’s an awesome card for me. I see the two women as friends representing peaceful companionship, the cat as representing playfulness and leisure, and the bees as representing sociability because bees are communal and all work together for the benefit of the hive. See also, most bees except the few drones needed for mating with maiden queens are female. Ain’t no kings of any castles up in here.
11. What will be your most important lesson in the coming year: Queen of Pentacles. Focus on health and finances, work hard and well and enjoy the rewards and abundance that come with doing so, and be generous with your resources.
My take: This speaks directly to the personal goals and changes I already hinted at in a previous entry. It also speaks to something that is part of my natal chart in astrology. Ultimately I’m too analytical and science-minded to see astrology as anything other than a parlor trick and a way of planning out shots on a pool table—hey, it’s geometry—but my chart alludes to me finding my abundance through generosity with my own resources: The more I give out, the more I receive. This has often been true in my life as long as I avoid a “lack mentality” and the fear of running out of resources or not having enough, and instead trust that what I need will always be there. And yes, health needs to be a priority, as it should be for everyone.
12. Overall, where you are headed in the next 12 months: Ten of Pentacles. Abundance, emotional and financial maturity, achieving goals, abundance, a solid foundation, stability, abundance, sharing resources with others, giving back, and abundance.
My take: Abundance, woo-hoo! This is another card that’s different from the Rider-Waite-Smith card. In the Rider-Waite-Smith card, there is a man and a woman, an older man off to the side, and a couple of dogs. One of the traditional meanings for the card is coming into an inheritance, something that is not a possibility for me. However, in the Gilded Tarot, the card has an open trunk of Pentacles, a cute little mouse on his hind legs, and a turtle. I interpret this as the mouse telling me, “Hey, look at this!” and the turtle as representing the long years of work already behind me.
The bottom line? My abundance may be long in achieving, but it’s there for the taking and the sharing, and with the actions I take, some due diligence, the right people around me, and a willingness to share what I have, it’s coming my way.
Pretty rootin’ tootin’ positive, if I say so myself!
zenzalei 