D for “Duh.”

I’ve been bit achy in my back, low in mood, and brutally, mercilessly tired. I had my physical on Friday and this is my Vitamin D level.

Well, DUH! Of course I’m deficient. I mean, look at me. Do I LOOK like I play in the sun? (Please pardon the Bitmoji. I can’t take a selfie in the mirror for obvious reasons. You know, no reflection?)

So now I have to take these fancy prescription Vitamin D pills once a week for two months. The things you have to deal with when you’re of the night, really. Best part is, I can daywalk. I mean, I hate it and all, but I can and do. I also wear a silver ring and silver earrings. They cause kind of a low-grade systemic burn that, while annoying, darkens my skin enough to allow me to pass as human. A pasty human, but a human.

And now for today’s candy, Sugar Daddy! This sticky monstrosity is nothing more than a blob of hardened milk caramel, and it’s probably responsible for several cavities I got as a kid. A human kid, I mean. Tasted good, though.