Tag: animals

Goodbye, 2024.

This entry is dedicated to Peep, a sweet Northern Mockingbird youngster I tried desperately to help last summer, but was unable to save.

A young Northern Mockingbird near a tray of water.

This entry is also dedicated to Sparrow, a Sparrow who died in my hands after being attacked by a Grackle; Sparky and Rascal the Squirrels who passed likely due to rat poison; the squirrel who was already gone when I found her and is buried in a park nearby; the Pigeon who was already gone whom I buried near a park; a baby bird who was already gone whom I laid to rest under a shrub; Holly, another Sparrow who came for help on my balcony, but who, like Peep, I could not save; the Crows who were so far gone I could not lift them to bury them; and the millions of birds, animals, sea creatures, reptiles, and insects who suffered and died this year because of humans. They mattered, and they are forever in my heart. If I could change one thing about humanity, it would be to open its eyes to what I see and feel from every living creature I encounter, so that our species would live in harmony with theirs.

What did you do in 2024 that you’d never done before?
Go to cardiac rehab. Have a couple of social media posts go viral.

Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I mostly did. I will absolutely have a few resolutions for 2025, and will be revisiting a couple from 2024.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

Did anyone close to you die?
Susan and I weren’t close, but I considered her a friend. The first time I saw Poets of the Fall in concert and the last time she saw them in concert we were together. She once sent me a short story she had written and I wish I could have seen more of her writing before she died. I miss her.

Did anyone close to you get married?
A lovely woman in my city-hiking group did. Congrats Amanda and Nav!

What countries did you visit?
None, alas. I had to cancel my trip to Portugal on account of cardiac rehab.

What would you like to have in 2025 that you lacked in 2024?
A million bucks.

What dates from 2024 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 8, when Sparrow died in my hands. Some of my friends and acquaintances found out just how much I love birds that day. November 5, when my country died in a voting booth.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Bringing my ejection fraction from 40% on the day of my heart attack to 65% before I finished cardiac rehab. Healthy ejection fraction, also known colloquially as “heart function” is between 55% and 70%. More than one doctor did a double-take when looking at my charts and scans.

What was your biggest failure?
I would have liked to have lost 20 pounds. The thing about heart attacks is that your health care team will encourage you to drop a few pounds and then put you on medications that promote weight gain.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, but minor–coughs, colds, routine aches and pains.

What was the best thing you bought?
I sent a couple of NextMugs for Chica K and her hub. And one for a bestie who I hope isn’t reading this. And one for me. They’re self-heating mugs. They come with a rechargeable battery that you charge on a special coaster that you plug into your wall. And lemme tellya, you know milks cool your coffee or whipped cream cools your hot chocolate? Not any more! They’re one of those little splurges that enhance your quality of life by making something simple, like a hot beverage on a winter night, extra nice.

Here’s today’s ornament, sent to me by Chica K in a gift box along with a few other goodies, including a very nice throw that looks fabulous on my couch.

A knitted Christmas ornament in the shape of a Christmas tree.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friend Louise, who did not judge me but instead comforted me and helped me as I sobbed over Sparrow. France. Heck of an Olympics show. Gisèle Pelicot. The courage that woman has. Dare I say Luigi Mangione? He woke a lot of people up. He has also made a lot of people who should be scared, scared. As John F. Kennedy said, those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. My country is headed for some dark days.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
77 million Americans. I can’t believe how racist, misogynistic, and bigoted so many of my fellow Americans are. As someone on a social put it, they’ll vote for a corpse before they vote for a woman.

Where did most of your money go?
Rent.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I had a lot of hope for Kamala Harris.

What song will always remind you of 2024?
This came out in 2022 but #notallmen took off in 2024 in response to women choosing the bear. It’s not all men, but it’s always a man. Or, 70,000 men in rape chats. Or the one-third of college men who would rape a woman if they thought they could get away with it. And those are just the dumb ones who talk about it publicly. When the good men come forth, do the inner work, actively take steps to deconstruct the patriarchy, and confront and educate men who harm women, let me know, because I see precious few of them actually doing that.

Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Neither. I’m angrier.

Older or wiser?
Older, of course. We all are. Wiser, I don’t know. More cynical, definitely.

Thinner or fatter?
Slightly fatter. See, resolutions I didn’t keep, above.

Richer or poorer?
Richer.

What do you wish you’d done more of?
Travel.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Work.

How did you spend Christmas?
Chilling. That’s what I do.

How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
I’ll be seeing John Oliver.

What was your favorite TV program?
Still What We Do In the Shadows. I heart Nandor, and I was sad to see the series end. Loved the second season of The Empress. Currently loving Dexter: Original Sin.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is a strong word, but I didn’t know or care who JD Vance was a year ago and unfortunately, now I do.

What was the best book you read?
Twilight Empress by Faith L. Justice, as that’s the only one I finished. But I’m enjoying Jonathan Kellerman’s Breakdown.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jax.

What did you want and get?
A new boss.

What did you want and not get?
Six winning numbers. Or five.

What was your favorite film of this year?
I didn’t go to the movies this year. Nothing really stood out to me on any of the streaming services.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Got take-out, which I always do. I keep the fortune in my wallet for the next year. Much to my relief, this time there was actually a fortune in my cookie, unlike in 2023. I’m not saying not having a fortune in your birthday fortune cookie is an omen, but I did have a heart attack a few days later.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Kamala Harris winning the U.S. election.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2023?
I don’t have one, but click here to see my rather neglected URSTYLE profile.

What kept you sane?
Puzzles, games, and wild birds.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I’ve lost my taste for celebrities and public figures, actually.

What political issue stirred you the most?
Every damn one of them.

Who do you miss?
Inigo, with all my heart.

Who was the best new person/people you met?
Probably the new director at work. He values work-life balance. Incredible in this day and age in the U.S., I know.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2024:
People who say they “understand the assignment” can’t be trusted. The math doesn’t add up. Maybe they understood the assignment, and maybe they even wrote it down in a memo pad, but when they went home to vote they left the memo pad in their locker. Also, a lot of White women have their heads up their arses with performative actions regarding racism. Blue bracelets and blue heart tattoos? That’s how you do the work? Really?

A quote that sums up your year:
I am woman, hear me roar.

Not the happiest year, by far. I’m certainly grateful to be alive, without any cardiac complications, but damn, the whole world is on fire like I’ve never seen in my 58 years on the planet, and I don’t see it improving any time soon.

A meme showing a Mogwai from the movie Gremlins near a running faucet.

Unto Dust

Beautiful night tonight, so I decided to get some miles in and walk home. It’s about 7 miles, or 2.5 hours. My favorite parts are the the paths on either side of the Reflecting Pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial and the walk over Memorial Bridge. The Crows were just heading to their Arlington roost when I got to the bridge, an endless dark ribbon of thousands of birds gliding over the river. Every once in a while a couple of them would collide seemingly intentionally, like they were messing around and playing aerial bumper cars for the heck of it.

My least favorite part is the stretch of Fairfax Drive between N. Meade Street and N. Pierce Street. It’s Death Valley for the Crows, a dip in the road where they can’t see the cars coming as idiotic, self-important humans gun their engines to make the light at the intersection of where N. Ft. Myer Drive becomes N. Meade and Fairfax Drive. I’ve lost count of the flattened Crows I’ve seen, their bodies crushed into the asphalt. One little fledgling was ground into the double yellow lines, likely on his/her maiden flight.

Every once in a while, like tonight, I’ll find dead Crows by the side of the road or in the grass. If I can bury them, I will, but tonight’s pair were nothing more than feathers and bones. The one in a parking space was so far gone as to be a pile of feathers and a rib cage mixed with leaves and the random detritus humans leave behind to poison the landscape—string, a bottle cap, a baby’s sock, some sort of black plastic. I couldn’t tell where the Crow’s head had been, as the wing feathers were pointed every which way. The one on the grass still had his/her form, but the body and all of the head except the beak were gone. I apologized to both of them for humanity’s carelessness, and bid them rest in peace.

As I walked away, I reminded myself that I should just go up Wilson Blvd., where it’s all restaurants and nightlife and I’ve never seen any dead birds or creatures. But that wouldn’t have prevented my finding a squirrel sprawled out on the sidewalk about three blocks from where I live. I’ve probably seen that squirrel on my many walks to the grocery store. The two corner houses have yards and there are always squirrels scampering about. There are also a lot of squirrels in the park.

I couldn’t leave her there, where people would step over her and skirt around her with expressions of disgust on their faces. Sooner or later someone might have picked her up by the tail and thrown her in a trash can. So I got my gloves out of my naloxone kit, picked her up, and carried her. Her eyes were cloudy and her arms, neck, and legs were stiff, but her belly was still soft and slightly warm. She reminded me of Meeka (or Mica, short for Amica), the squirrel who used to sit in the tree, look in the window, and watch cartoons when I put them on for Inigo. Meeka’s tummy was also still warm when I found her a couple of years ago, after she got hit by a car.

I’m sure people thought I was mad, carrying a dead squirrel down the street, holding her with two hands before me as though I were bringing a birthday cake with lots of lit candles into a dining room. But I don’t care. She deserved better than to be left there on the sidewalk, so I buried her beneath some evergreens.

Tonight’s walk drove home something that eats away at me: We humans will never live in harmony with animals. We trap them, poison them, shoot them, and run them over when they’re in our way. We break their bodies to get eggs. We steal their babies to get milk. We crate them, bind them, pluck them, hang them, decapitate them, force-feed them, and scald them alive to feed our appetites. We call the ones strong enough to suffer a slaughter “Grade A,” and we beat, gas, electrocute, stomp, or simply toss in a pile and leave to die those who are too weak or sick to stand. We isolate them, imprison them, sicken them, cut them, burn them, inject things into them, put things in their eyes, sew devices under their skin, and amputate their limbs in the name of science.

Then we reel back in horror when we see people do any of this to cats and dogs, parrots and bunnies, hamsters and horses.

It’s cognitive dissonance on a good day, hypocrisy on a bad. I’m including myself in that: A lot of the candy I’ve featured this month has milk in it. I’m also a pescatarian, doctor’s orders. I take medications that were tested in animals, and the stent holding an artery in my heart open was tested on animals, including rabbits, pigs, dogs, sheep, rodents, goats, and nonhuman primates. I owe animals my very life.

But it fills me with an endless, bottomless sorrow that any animal comes to harm because of me. Most vegans and vegetarians can tell you about their epiphany, the moment the suffering we cause animals became real to them. Mine was in a grocery store, looking for ingredients to make a soup. I saw a package labeled “whole chicken, cut up” and those words were just so graphic, so gruesome, boom, the light went on. All I could see was the body parts still on the bird. All I could think was, “Wings…just like Inigo’s.” I started crying right there in the store.

I’m not a praying woman, but if I were, I would pray for people to come to see how all animals—and not just the cute or beautiful ones we keep as pets—deserve our compassion. All animals have emotions. All animals can be playful, grumpy, happy, tired, angry, or sad. Most have social bonds as families, herds, flocks, or other groups. They welcome others, battle others, make friends with others, and grieve others of their kind. I’d say all of them are sentient to some degree. And all of them want to live.

No candy tonight. I’m too sad.

Instead, a PSA: When you see a bee in distress, like this one was after landing in my margarita, offer some sugar water. The folks at the restaurant gave me a sugar packet, I mixed it with water, and this little one drank from my fingertip and then from a drop on the table. She perked up, then after a few laps overhead, she flew away to get on with her day—hopefully without a hangover! Every little life is big to the one living it.