I’ve been bit achy in my back, low in mood, and brutally, mercilessly tired. I had my physical on Friday and this is my Vitamin D level.
Well, DUH! Of course I’m deficient. I mean, look at me. Do I LOOK like I play in the sun? (Please pardon the Bitmoji. I can’t take a selfie in the mirror for obvious reasons. You know, no reflection?)
So now I have to take these fancy prescription Vitamin D pills once a week for two months. The things you have to deal with when you’re of the night, really. Best part is, I can daywalk. I mean, I hate it and all, but I can and do. I also wear a silver ring and silver earrings. They cause kind of a low-grade systemic burn that, while annoying, darkens my skin enough to allow me to pass as human. A pasty human, but a human.
And now for today’s candy, Sugar Daddy! This sticky monstrosity is nothing more than a blob of hardened milk caramel, and it’s probably responsible for several cavities I got as a kid. A human kid, I mean. Tasted good, though.
Some of you have been rather prideful of late, going on about how the early bird catches the worm, morning is the most productive time of the day, rising with the dawn is the path to success, and so on. Some of you have been extra judgy about it, too, calling Night Owls “lazy” and “unambitious.”
Let me tell you something: Owls keep the world running, so you need to stop it with the stigma. When it’s 2:00 a.m. and you need an ambulance or emergency surgery, or your house is on fire, or you hear someone break in, it’s the Owls who will save you. It’s the Owls who watch your property while you sleep, take calls on 988 when you’re having a midnight crisis, capture the overnight news while you’re dreaming, and maintin national security by monitoring air, land, and sea while you’re slumbering blissfully unaware of the myriad ways your enemies pose a threat. Owls transport your mail and packages, drive your food across the country while it’s still fresh, and even take you and your loved ones from Point A to Point B in safety, though you call overnight flights “red-eyes” like that’s a bad thing. Owls maintain order, and without them you would be screwed.
Furthermore, Owls are hardwired. Over the years, research has shown that a tendency toward wakefulness at night is hereditary. One study found 351 genetic factors that influence whether a person prefers mornings or evenings. Another study suggests that Owls are more creative than Larks. Yet another study suggests that Owls have better cognitive function than Larks.
I believe all of it. My father did some of his best paintings at 1:00 a.m. and my mother, who had an I.Q. of 163, would not be able to sleep until 3:00 a.m. and would walk into walls when she got up for work during the week. I, myself, am an Owl, as verified by the Morningness-Eveningness Questionnaire. Given my druthers, I would go to sleep between 1:30 and 3:00 a.m. and get up between 8:30 and 10:00 a.m. I do my best work between 4:00 and 7:00 p.m. and have another burst of creativity around 11:00 p.m. And at the risk of sounding boastful, my I.Q. qualifies me for Mensa.
So kindly cease and desist with your slanderous characterizations of Owls. We are not defective, lazy, unambitious, unhealthy, or undisciplined. We are merely of the night, and you need us.
Sincerely,
Owls Everywhere
And now for today’s candy: Sixlets! Not quite M&Ms but not quite malted milk balls, Sixlets is a “chocolate-flavored candy.” They are very light and have a nice little crunch, but I remember them always tasting a little stale and reminiscent of mothballs. Still, they’re a classic, and I love the nostalgia they conjure of Halloweens gone by.
I’m not much into decor, at least for myself as I’m terrible at putting interiors together (bad Libra, BAD), but when I saw these bookends, I had to get them.
They sit on my bachelors dresser, holding my growing collection of Barnes & Nobles Collectibles Editions and a few other books.
I call the one on the left Edgar and the one on the right Allan. Seems fitting for the subject matter of most of those books. I’m about halfway through a novel I’m reading, and then I’m going to read the Lovecraft. I’ve never read any Lovecraft before, but the first paragraph of the first tale, “Dagon,” has me chomping at the bit.
I am writing this under an appreciable mental strain, since by tonight I shall be no more. Penniless, and at the end of my supply of the drug which alone makes life endurable, I can bear the torture no longer; and shall cast myself from this garret window into the squalid street below. Do not think from my slavery to morphine that I am a weakling or a degenerate. When you have read these hastily scrawled pages you may guess, though never fully realize, why it is that I must have forgetfulness or death.
Heck, maybe I’ll just read that tonight, since I had to take the book off the shelf anyway. “Dagon” is only a few pages long.
I saw my bookends while picking out these for a buddy’s birthday last summer.
She put them to very good use.
Image: Kada Walden
She collects Barbies (although the one above is a Monster High doll, the Howliday Cleo de Nile), so if you’re into that, check out her awesome YouTube. In fact, even if you’re not into Barbie, check out her awesome YouTube, especially if you love spooky season. Her Halloween display is a thing of beauty, dark, delicious beauty.
Speaking of things dark and delicious, here’s today’s candy, good ol’ M&Ms. My friend is so elegant, I couldn’t put something tacky, crummy-but-good, or flat-out terrible below her video.
zenzalei 