My mind is a bit muddled tonight, like my brain is saturated in goo, owing to a whopping two hours of sleep. I just didn’t feel tired when last my head hit a pillow, perhaps because I forgot to turn on my blue light filter, f.lux. That app is a lifesaver when I remember to use it. It gradually turns your screen a dark salmon color as the sun sets outside. The idea is to keep your eyes from tricking your brain into thinking it’s daylight. Daywalkers need that like a hole in the head, so I’m glad for the wonders of modern technology that counter the other wonders of modern technology.
No, this is not sponsored content. I’ve been using that app for years. An ex-boyfriend who was partially color-blind hated it, so when I stayed at his place and wanted to keep him from looking over my shoulder while I was reading or writing, I’d turn it on.
See, one night, before you could stream YouTube directly out of your TV, I VERY STUPIDLY agreed to hook up my laptop to his huge flat-screen so we could indulge our sadistic humor with some FAIL videos. I had another tab open on my browser which just happened to display an old private blog of mine that had some randy fiction I had written when earthly pleasures like that still interested me. He clicked on the tab and the first line to the story on the screen was a doozy: Jake was always up for a good, hard fuck.
“NICE.”
“Oops. I had forgotten about that.”
“Who’s Jake?”
Ah, crap. Here we go.
“Don’t worry. This entire blog is fiction.”
“But who IS he?”
“It’s FICTION.”
“Who’s it ABOUT?”
“NO one.”
After about four rounds of that I said, “Will you look at the date on this, please? It was before I divorced my ex-husband.”
“So it’s about HIM?”
“No. I said it was FICTION.”
“So you made it up?”
“That’s what fiction is, yes?”
“I guess.”
I don’t think he bought it because for three months after that he kept trying to figure out who Jake was.
Anyway, that’s when I started turning f.lux on as a deterrent whenever I was reading or writing on my laptop at his place. That was about 12 years ago, so it’s an old app.
And this, kids, is why you don’t go poking around your beloved’s laptop when your beloved is a writer. You might up in said writer’s public blog years after you break up.
I could say so much about who needs to watch out for their rights being eroded. As in, married women who have taken their husband’s last name and don’t have a passport are the latest target, with the re-introduction of a Bill for the SAVE Act. Their birth certificates would no longer be a valid way of proving their eligibility to register to vote because it has their maiden, and not current, last name on it. If that’s you, either get a passport or change your name back to your maiden name legally. Same for if you’re divorced or widowed. You know, assuming we even have another election.
But there are so many people who are at risk that honestly? Going forward I think it’s up to each person individually to figure out their risks and how to protect themselves. It sounds cold, but freedom isn’t free. If ya want it, yer gonna have to work for it and be vigilant in protecting it. Get on your non-Facebook socials, preferably Threads, and start reading. I recommend Guy Fawkes News, who is also on BlueSky. Why? Because with the possible exception of the Associated Press, the mainstream media is not reporting everything, like, say, the protest in front of USAID where people were screaming “Shut down the Senate!” or the various activities of Anonymous, which as the kids say, has entered the chat. Anonymous has come out in opposition to the regime and have already doxxed the Phony Stark minions at DOGE who got into the government systems. As I understand it, Anonymous is having a hard time finding Phony Stark’s Social Security Number, which could very well mean that the SOB is not even an American citizen—which, by the way, would make the Fanta Führer guilty of treason by way of giving state secrets to foreign entities. See also, did you know USAID was instrumental in breaking Apartheid, and that the Inspector General for USAID was investigating Starlink’s business dealings with Ukraine right before Phony Stark shut the agency down? Make no mistake, the Fanta Führer isn’t running the country. Phony Stark is.
Anyway, the media is getting shut out and isn’t even going down swinging, so you’re going to have to rely on socials and that’s a you thing. Definitely get to BlueSky because if ZuckerBorg gets a wild hair up his arse, Meta products will become problematic, even Threads. If you don’t make the effort to inform yourself in nontraditional channels, you’re going to be an easy target and it’ll be your own fault so don’t come bitchin’ because you’ve been told—just like all the #leavingMAGA people were told all along that they wouldn’t be spared because of their whiteness.
And speaking of those people, yeah, no. No sympathy. Some on the left—usually men, because men have not been suffering since the Dobbs decision—have been talking about how we need to welcome the leavingMAGA people into the tent. Nah, this is the “find out” part of “fuck around and find out.” The leavingMAGA people are extra odious because they didn’t care about human rights and voting rights and deportation and government purges and cuts to social programs and so on until it affected them personally. Nah, it’s time for tough love, buppies, so…
Just remember, no matter how low you think the regime can go, it will go lower, because decent people just can’t imagine that kind of evil.
P.S. Dear Canada: We don’t want Wayne Gretzky, either. And it’s okay for you to turn off the lights. Don’t let Fanta Führer fool you. You’re going to have to treat him, and the USA, like a recalcitrant five-year-old who is waiting with boundless patience for half a chance to put his hand in the cookie jar when no one is looking. So keep watching, and boycott us. And that goes for the rest of the world, too. Boycott us until the Fourth Reich’s balls fall off.
This entry is dedicated to Peep, a sweet Northern Mockingbird youngster I tried desperately to help last summer, but was unable to save.
This entry is also dedicated to Sparrow, a Sparrow who died in my hands after being attacked by a Grackle; Sparky and Rascal the Squirrels who passed likely due to rat poison; the squirrel who was already gone when I found her and is buried in a park nearby; the Pigeon who was already gone whom I buried near a park; a baby bird who was already gone whom I laid to rest under a shrub; Holly, another Sparrow who came for help on my balcony, but who, like Peep, I could not save; the Crows who were so far gone I could not lift them to bury them; and the millions of birds, animals, sea creatures, reptiles, and insects who suffered and died this year because of humans. They mattered, and they are forever in my heart. If I could change one thing about humanity, it would be to open its eyes to what I see and feel from every living creature I encounter, so that our species would live in harmony with theirs.
What did you do in 2024 that you’d never done before? Go to cardiac rehab. Have a couple of social media posts go viral.
Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I mostly did. I will absolutely have a few resolutions for 2025, and will be revisiting a couple from 2024.
Did anyone close to you give birth? No.
Did anyone close to you die? Susan and I weren’t close, but I considered her a friend. The first time I saw Poets of the Fall in concert and the last time she saw them in concert we were together. She once sent me a short story she had written and I wish I could have seen more of her writing before she died. I miss her.
Did anyone close to you get married? A lovely woman in my city-hiking group did. Congrats Amanda and Nav!
What countries did you visit? None, alas. I had to cancel my trip to Portugal on account of cardiac rehab.
What would you like to have in 2025 that you lacked in 2024? A million bucks.
What dates from 2024 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? June 8, when Sparrow died in my hands. Some of my friends and acquaintances found out just how much I love birds that day. November 5, when my country died in a voting booth.
What was your biggest achievement of the year? Bringing my ejection fraction from 40% on the day of my heart attack to 65% before I finished cardiac rehab. Healthy ejection fraction, also known colloquially as “heart function” is between 55% and 70%. More than one doctor did a double-take when looking at my charts and scans.
What was your biggest failure? I would have liked to have lost 20 pounds. The thing about heart attacks is that your health care team will encourage you to drop a few pounds and then put you on medications that promote weight gain.
Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes, but minor–coughs, colds, routine aches and pains.
What was the best thing you bought? I sent a couple of NextMugs for Chica K and her hub. And one for a bestie who I hope isn’t reading this. And one for me. They’re self-heating mugs. They come with a rechargeable battery that you charge on a special coaster that you plug into your wall. And lemme tellya, you know milks cool your coffee or whipped cream cools your hot chocolate? Not any more! They’re one of those little splurges that enhance your quality of life by making something simple, like a hot beverage on a winter night, extra nice.
Here’s today’s ornament, sent to me by Chica K in a gift box along with a few other goodies, including a very nice throw that looks fabulous on my couch.
Whose behavior merited celebration? My friend Louise, who did not judge me but instead comforted me and helped me as I sobbed over Sparrow. France. Heck of an Olympics show. Gisèle Pelicot. The courage that woman has. Dare I say Luigi Mangione? He woke a lot of people up. He has also made a lot of people who should be scared, scared. As John F. Kennedy said, those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. My country is headed for some dark days.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? 77 million Americans. I can’t believe how racist, misogynistic, and bigoted so many of my fellow Americans are. As someone on a social put it, they’ll vote for a corpse before they vote for a woman.
Where did most of your money go? Rent.
What did you get really, really, really excited about? I had a lot of hope for Kamala Harris.
What song will always remind you of 2024? This came out in 2022 but #notallmen took off in 2024 in response to women choosing the bear. It’s not all men, but it’s always a man. Or, 70,000 men in rape chats. Or the one-third of college men who would rape a woman if they thought they could get away with it. And those are just the dumb ones who talk about it publicly. When the good men come forth, do the inner work, actively take steps to deconstruct the patriarchy, and confront and educate men who harm women, let me know, because I see precious few of them actually doing that.
Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? Neither. I’m angrier.
Older or wiser? Older, of course. We all are. Wiser, I don’t know. More cynical, definitely.
Thinner or fatter? Slightly fatter. See, resolutions I didn’t keep, above.
Richer or poorer? Richer.
What do you wish you’d done more of? Travel.
What do you wish you’d done less of? Work.
How did you spend Christmas? Chilling. That’s what I do.
How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? I’ll be seeing John Oliver.
What was your favorite TV program? Still What We Do In the Shadows. I heart Nandor, and I was sad to see the series end. Loved the second season of The Empress. Currently loving Dexter: Original Sin.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Hate is a strong word, but I didn’t know or care who JD Vance was a year ago and unfortunately, now I do.
What was the best book you read? Twilight Empress by Faith L. Justice, as that’s the only one I finished. But I’m enjoying Jonathan Kellerman’s Breakdown.
What was your greatest musical discovery? Jax.
What did you want and get? A new boss.
What did you want and not get? Six winning numbers. Or five.
What was your favorite film of this year? I didn’t go to the movies this year. Nothing really stood out to me on any of the streaming services.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Got take-out, which I always do. I keep the fortune in my wallet for the next year. Much to my relief, this time there was actually a fortune in my cookie, unlike in 2023. I’m not saying not having a fortune in your birthday fortune cookie is an omen, but I did have a heart attack a few days later.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Kamala Harris winning the U.S. election.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2023? I don’t have one, but click here to see my rather neglected URSTYLE profile.
What kept you sane? Puzzles, games, and wild birds.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I’ve lost my taste for celebrities and public figures, actually.
What political issue stirred you the most? Every damn one of them.
Who do you miss? Inigo, with all my heart.
Who was the best new person/people you met? Probably the new director at work. He values work-life balance. Incredible in this day and age in the U.S., I know.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2024: People who say they “understand the assignment” can’t be trusted. The math doesn’t add up. Maybe they understood the assignment, and maybe they even wrote it down in a memo pad, but when they went home to vote they left the memo pad in their locker. Also, a lot of White women have their heads up their arses with performative actions regarding racism. Blue bracelets and blue heart tattoos? That’s how you do the work? Really?
A quote that sums up your year: I am woman, hear me roar.
Not the happiest year, by far. I’m certainly grateful to be alive, without any cardiac complications, but damn, the whole world is on fire like I’ve never seen in my 58 years on the planet, and I don’t see it improving any time soon.
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