I’ve been bit achy in my back, low in mood, and brutally, mercilessly tired. I had my physical on Friday and this is my Vitamin D level.
Well, DUH! Of course I’m deficient. I mean, look at me. Do I LOOK like I play in the sun? (Please pardon the Bitmoji. I can’t take a selfie in the mirror for obvious reasons. You know, no reflection?)
So now I have to take these fancy prescription Vitamin D pills once a week for two months. The things you have to deal with when you’re of the night, really. Best part is, I can daywalk. I mean, I hate it and all, but I can and do. I also wear a silver ring and silver earrings. They cause kind of a low-grade systemic burn that, while annoying, darkens my skin enough to allow me to pass as human. A pasty human, but a human.
And now for today’s candy, Sugar Daddy! This sticky monstrosity is nothing more than a blob of hardened milk caramel, and it’s probably responsible for several cavities I got as a kid. A human kid, I mean. Tasted good, though.
Some of you have been rather prideful of late, going on about how the early bird catches the worm, morning is the most productive time of the day, rising with the dawn is the path to success, and so on. Some of you have been extra judgy about it, too, calling Night Owls “lazy” and “unambitious.”
Let me tell you something: Owls keep the world running, so you need to stop it with the stigma. When it’s 2:00 a.m. and you need an ambulance or emergency surgery, or your house is on fire, or you hear someone break in, it’s the Owls who will save you. It’s the Owls who watch your property while you sleep, take calls on 988 when you’re having a midnight crisis, capture the overnight news while you’re dreaming, and maintin national security by monitoring air, land, and sea while you’re slumbering blissfully unaware of the myriad ways your enemies pose a threat. Owls transport your mail and packages, drive your food across the country while it’s still fresh, and even take you and your loved ones from Point A to Point B in safety, though you call overnight flights “red-eyes” like that’s a bad thing. Owls maintain order, and without them you would be screwed.
Furthermore, Owls are hardwired. Over the years, research has shown that a tendency toward wakefulness at night is hereditary. One study found 351 genetic factors that influence whether a person prefers mornings or evenings. Another study suggests that Owls are more creative than Larks. Yet another study suggests that Owls have better cognitive function than Larks.
I believe all of it. My father did some of his best paintings at 1:00 a.m. and my mother, who had an I.Q. of 163, would not be able to sleep until 3:00 a.m. and would walk into walls when she got up for work during the week. I, myself, am an Owl, as verified by the Morningness-Eveningness Questionnaire. Given my druthers, I would go to sleep between 1:30 and 3:00 a.m. and get up between 8:30 and 10:00 a.m. I do my best work between 4:00 and 7:00 p.m. and have another burst of creativity around 11:00 p.m. And at the risk of sounding boastful, my I.Q. qualifies me for Mensa.
So kindly cease and desist with your slanderous characterizations of Owls. We are not defective, lazy, unambitious, unhealthy, or undisciplined. We are merely of the night, and you need us.
Sincerely,
Owls Everywhere
And now for today’s candy: Sixlets! Not quite M&Ms but not quite malted milk balls, Sixlets is a “chocolate-flavored candy.” They are very light and have a nice little crunch, but I remember them always tasting a little stale and reminiscent of mothballs. Still, they’re a classic, and I love the nostalgia they conjure of Halloweens gone by.
This is going around another website where I like to write.
What did you do in 2023 that you’d never done before? Taken a beloved pet to say goodbye. Go to Poland. Have a heart attack.
Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I mostly did. I will absolutely have a few resolutions for 2024, and will be revisiting a couple from 2023.
Did anyone close to you give birth? No.
Did anyone close to you die? This beautiful bird, Inigo the Nanday Conure, AKA The Nanner King. I’m still grieving. Twenty-one years together is a long time. What I wouldn’t give for one more day.
Nanner King forever, forever my best friend.
Did anyone close to you get married? No.
What countries did you visit? Poland.
What would you like to have in 2024 that you lacked in 2023? Career fulfillment.
What dates from 2023 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? March 10, when Inigo and I said goodbye. September 4, seeing Poets of the Fall in Warsaw. October 25, when I had my heart attack.
What was your biggest achievement of the year? Surviving.
What was your biggest failure? I would have liked to have saved more money, but I guess I did that by default when I had to cancel my trips to England and Finland.
Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes. I’ve been through it.
What was the best thing you bought? The weekend in Poland.
Whose behavior merited celebration? My buddy Liz. I could not have gotten through this year without her. Also, all the friends who offered to help, send me food, bring me food, etc. after my heart attack. I was able to manage by myself, but it’s a balm to know that help is there if I need it.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? No one could make me depressed, but appalled? “Miranda.” (If you know, you know.) I’m pretty disgusted by Elmo Muskrat, too. And most of the Supreme Court.
Where did most of your money go? Rent.
What did you get really, really, really excited about? Poland! It was a great time with great people.
What song will always remind you of 2023? “Through the Years,” by Kenny Rogers. Inigo loved country music and after we said goodbye that song came into my head and felt like a message from him. It still comes into my head at random moments, and then I feel his presence.
Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder: Sadder. Grief will do that to you.
Older or wiser: Older, of course. We all are. Wiser, yes. This was a terrible year.
Thinner or fatter: Slightly thinner, but not much.
Richer or poorer: The same.
What do you wish you’d done more of? Travel.
What do you wish you’d done less of? Work.
How did you spend Christmas? Chilling. That said, I had a more socially active holiday season this year than I’ve had in 10 years.
How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? Likely with friends, if I feel up to it. The last time I saw friends was a trivia night and by 9:00 I was feeling loopy and exhausted, so I hope I have the energy.
What was your favorite TV program? What We Do In the Shadows. I heart Nandor.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Not hate, but I lost respect for a few people and no longer want anything to do with them.
What was the best book you read? I haven’t finished anything I started, so nothing.
What was your greatest musical discovery? Paris Paloma. Here’s my Song of the Year:
What did you want and get? Out of the United States, but not for long enough.
What did you want and not get? Six winning numbers. Or five.
What was your favorite film of this year? The only new release I saw was Barbie, so I guess that wins by default.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Got take-out in which the fortune cookie had no fortune.
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Five winning numbers. I don’t even need the sixth. Just enough to get me out of the rat race. A million with a multiplier would be just fine.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2023? I don’t have one, but click here to see my rather neglected URSTYLE profile.
What kept you sane? Friends.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I’ve lost my taste for celebrities and public figures, actually.
What political issue stirred you the most? Reproductive rights. Don’t believe in abortion? Don’t have one. Oh, you think it’s wrong but you couldn’t have one anyway because you’re male and can’t get pregnant? Then stay out of two things: Vaginas and the way.
Who do you miss? Inigo, with all my heart.
Who was the best new person/people you met? Aleks and Claire. Met them in Poland and they’re great ladies.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2023: I’m at an age where pretty much it’s all just confirmation of what I’ve already learned, but for this year, will go with“Don’t forget to just fucking chill,” from Masood Boomgaard, AKA Self-Help Singh
A quote that sums up your year: The only way out is through.
zenzalei 